Before you — Week 35 to 38
An intrepid adventure into motherhood through the eyes of my childless self.
It gets to mid morning and I am usually done for the day. An ever-growing weight shifts in the night and puts pressure on my left side, my hip aches and wakes me. My bladder wakes me, and hunger wakes me.
But this is all temporary. In little over a week, if not before, this little one that grows low in my belly will be joining us. It is surreal to think that these movements I feel, a foot here, a large bump there, is a human being that we have created, that has spent the last 9 months with me. And now the time has come where he has formed enough to be able to survive outside, detached from me.
The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of moving, preparation and travel through checkpoints. We are now set up in Tauranga, living with family, spending time with new faces that have been in my life long before now. It’s a time to reconnect with the place I grew up in, with the people I grew up with. To make this our home, to welcome our baby into our family of three and beyond. To sit and look at Mount Maunganui every day and know that I am where I began, to begin a new life with our little one.
+1
I am 35 weeks + 1. Today began with a visit with the midwife, and then a cheese scone. This baby loves morning tea time. A cheese scone with relish and spinach and a hot chocolate. And some tears. We talked about induction, we talked about hospital visits and inability for partners to stay the night, we talked about trips to Auckland (even as they are in level 3) to visit Fetal Medicine, we talked about high level birth plans. The arrival comes closer and closer and I think about all that I need to prepare, at the same time, if he came tomorrow, I wouldn’t need anything because I trust the support I have around me.
Last week was a bit tough, and this week we are moving into a routine of our lives here in Tauranga. I started yoga again in the evening and this always helps. I have started writing again to log my day, and this helps. I take deep breaths throughout the day, and this helps.
Next week we will return to our flat to collect that which was abandoned in our rush out of the city, to escape being in level 3 and having to travel through checkpoints. We left Auckland within 12 hours of the announcement that the city would move into Level 3. I still had a couple of weeks of work to go and we had packed most of our possessions but not our room and everything we were still using. We did this into the early hours of the morning and woke to leave before the roadblocks were set in place, packing all that we could fit in the back of the car and not knowing when we would be able to return for the rest. It was now the following week and I was still recovering from the rush.
+2
I am 35 weeks + 2. Today began with a trip to the Tauranga office, my last day working in the office before going on maternity leave. It ended with extreme exhaustion emphasising the beauty of my decision to no longer go into a physical office. It was nice to see some friendly faces, and I enjoyed the kindness of a colleague who had knitted an alpaca wool cardie and hat for our little boy. That night we also received a gift from a family friend, a soft puppet toy and some beautiful face cloths. The generosity and joy of others in this time is astounding. It is a real shared experience — you become more open about the going on’s of your body. You welcome others to marvel in the beauty of growing a body within you by letting them touch your belly (if you want).
It is the start of creating the community that is needed to shift into motherhood.
+3
I am 35 weeks + 3. Today began with sleeping in as much as possible. Today was a tough day to get through with one reality to help get through the working day, I only have 4 working days left. A decision to finish a few days earlier means there is a lot to do but it also means that I will do it and then I will be able to focus fully on preparation.
I felt like something was needed to look forward to, so I booked us a private spa at Fernland Mineral Spa. OMG, this was the best decision I have made in a long time. The moment I entered the water and became weightless, I realised how much I had been carrying around.
It was bliss. Absolute bliss.
I’m not quite sure if you are meant to go to the hot pools when your pregnant, but the joy it brought can only be good for baba and mama.
+4
I am 35 weeks + 4. Today began with an intrusion of electricians and plumbers, all in the expectation of finishing their work before baby arrives. We left for the day to work somewhere else and am reminded of the luck I have to be now in Tauranga, near family. With a mother who has welcomed me into her home and prepares it for the arrival of our little one. And a sister who lives down the road and opens her home and her kitchen to me whenever I am near.
It is with these women that I will become a mother myself, and I am nurtured by their presence in my daily life here.
+5
I am 35 weeks + 5. Today began rest and restoration. Then I walked around the mount where other new mums gave me the thumbs up and told me I was amazing for my waddle around the base of Mauao.
Then it was into full prep mode, baby’s first outfit was washed, along with other blankets and clothes. Then spent longer than the usual in and out at the supermarket deciding on items to put in the hospital bag, snacks, toothbrushes, soap, baby wipes…
That afternoon the cramps began. In the lower abdomen while preparing lunch. I had to get on all fours and move in a circular motion to release the pain. I did not think I was going into labour but instead felt a joy in the fact that body is preparing, my body is getting ready for one of it most intense journeys. Something that many many women have done before, but so many unknowns exist as to how it will be for me. I simply find joy in feeling my body preparing as I am also preparing his room, and preparing myself for what is to come in next few weeks — and then into motherhood for the rest of my life.
+6
I am 35 weeks + 6. Today began breakfast in bed, followed by more sleep. Then a yoga class, and a bath to soak and float.
A big walk and talk with the excited Abuelos in Argentina, and that was my lazy Sunday. The final Sunday before my last week at work. The week ahead will be a big one, finishing up at work as well as packing up our flat in Auckland, without the extra hands of our family as planned and done in a few hours rather than a weekend — with a hospital appointment in the middle of it.
It is the final push before my life changes from emails and meetings to diapers and lullabies.
+7
I am 35 weeks + 7. Today began a meeting, a team meeting that would be one of the last. There is an apprehension in leaving work behind but an excitement that it is one step closer to starting this new adventure that will change everything and transition us into parents and into the life we will lead here in Tauranga.
Week 36–38
These weeks all merged into one as we settled into our new life here in Tauranga. Week 36 bought with it an exhausting trip to Auckland, a trip to Fetal Medicine to find out that all is moving along well, baby is still tracking large, and the kidneys will need monitoring in babies first days — but that all would happen in Tauranga and that the induction could wait until week 39–40.
We then packed up the flat and moved in and out of Auckland through checkpoints, with our masks on and our letter at the ready, towing a horse float in our wake.
The day before I had said my goodbyes to work, an unceremonious ending. I had been planning not to leave the team with slack to pick up but in my last few weeks I was also not expecting rushed trips to and from Auckland, another Covid outbreak, and a realisation that I was not prepared at all for the arrival of our little one and it would take time for us to settle into our new home.
So I said my goodbyes and then attempted to leave my work in the best state I could, and I spend an anxious few days thinking through what I hadn’t achieved and feeling cut off from what had been my existence for this year, with a group of people that I had shared my whole pregnancy journey, and now I had no reason to be connecting with them on a daily basis.
Then, I switched into mother mode. This is my new reality and I had to leave behind what work had been and focus on the next few months, what they would bring and the rest I needed before I was ready to take it on to my best ability.
If I need to eat, I eat. If I need to sleep, I sleep. If I need to move my body, I move my body — and there is no other responsibilities in my day but caring for my body, this baby that continues to grow inside, and creating this nest for our family.
Work is over, and the disconnect and lack of a proper farewell left me in a slight limbo. But that has passed and it is time to look forward.
In Week 36
Following the last week at work, my mum and sister had arranged a baby shower. I was not planning to have one, and ended up with two special days spend with friends in Auckland and then familiar faces in Tauranga, old and new friends, who came to share an afternoon, a piece of cake and some wisdom around birthing.
Sitting in the lounge surrounded my other mothers who brought with them their generosity of time and gifts. It was a beautiful sunny day and I sat amongst these women and felt extreme gratitude for my move here to be able to reconnect with people who have been an important part of my own upbringing. There were family friends who brought with them the wisdom of years of motherhood. There were old friends who I had know since before my primary school days, who now were mothers themselves of small children. There were also friends who I had been part of their journey into motherhood and watched as they transitioned, as I am about to do.
If before now I had not fully appreciated that this was the right move, to come and start this next stage of our lives here in Tauranga, I now knew on many different levels that this was the best decision we could have made. We are surrounded by family and friends who will create the community needed to move into motherhood with confidence.
Week 37–38
These last couple of weeks have been devoured by much needed rest and relaxation. A habit of daytime naps has formed and I am so prepared for this baby to arrive that I am filled with excitement towards what is to come any day now.
In a week, if he doesn’t come before then, I will be going to the hospital for an induction. Each and everyday is a step closer and soon we will have our little one in our arms.
Note: grammatical errors and slurs of flow are clearly the result of baby brain.
